Honor the most important minutes of the day…The moment when you first see your spouse of each day, dictates how the rest of your time together is going to be. Even if you’ve got a bill you need to discuss, or if you are running late, you need to make those first few minutes, time to connect on a personal level – it makes a huge difference. The other most important minutes are right before you go to sleep at night. This is not the time to discuss that bill I mentioned earlier! Don’t go to sleep mad or upset with each other. This is the time you need to take to express loving goodnights and soft whispers. Fall asleep holding hands – you’ll be surprised how good you will sleep!
Have an accepting spirit…Rather than being a faultfinder, you want to catch your loved one doing something right. Rex is good at this. He makes me want to do better when he compliments me on cooking a good meal or finding a good deal with some online shopping. If he nit-picked me, I wouldn’t want to try harder to do better.
Show support, as friends do…Think about how friends act. They talk about things they’re both interested in, they tell jokes. They accompany one another to activities they enjoy, whether it’s a movie or going to the gym. They ask how they are doing and what did you do last night? But with their spouse, they’ll walk into the kitchen and just kind of grunt! Investing more energy in less-intimate relationships is crazy. Your interest and support should go to your mate above everyone else.
Fulfill your spouse’s needs…I love the book “His Needs, Her Needs”, by Willard F. Harley, Jr. If we all would live by the author’s writings in this book, we would have incredible marriages. Briefly, I will list them, but you should read the book to get his insight on all of them.
Men’s Needs: 1. sexual fulfillment 2. attractive spouse 3. recreational companionship 4. domestic support 5. admiration
Women’s Needs: 1. affection 2. conversation 3. honesty and openness 4. financial support 5. financial commitment.
Be flexible…Don’t be so rigid that you can’t bend a little when necessary. So what, if it is not your job to take out the trash, it won’t kill you to do it! If your spouse has to work late and it interferes with your evening plans, don’t throw a fit. Be flexible! Remember the golden rule – “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you”!
Keep dating…No matter how long you have been married, you need to keep dating. Plan on some time weekly or monthly where the two of you are alone together. I promise you, it won’t just happen – you have to make it happen! You have to plan the date just like you used to do before you were married. Set a date, time and activity. If you have children, get a babysitter or exchange childcare with a friend. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something together as a date.
Above all else – pray together and for each other; it’s amazing how prayer changes everything!
Love to all CLC married couples,
Patti Johnson
